Dungeons & Disney du Jour: Princess Pauline

“Jest look at her. Prancing through this stinkin’ dungeon like it’s some fairy tale palace, all singin’ and dancing’ fit to burst. It’s no surprising the monsters hear us comin’ a mile away. What I want to know is how come she never gets hit. I mean, look at what she’s wearin’! A ball gown! D’you see, Sir Gallant? D’you see?”. Five steps behind the dwarf the paladin sighed, an unmistakable look of adoration on his face, “Yes goodfellow Bain, I see….”

Once upon a time, Princess Pauline lived in a huge castle atop a hill surrounded by an enchanted wood populated with all manner of friendly animals. Then the orcs came and Princess Pauline was forced to escape with the aid of a gruff dwarf and a love-struck paladin. They had a series of hilarious adventures (most of which involved Princess Pauline singing and looking immaculate)  and now find themselves questing through dungeons in search of the Key to True Love which will banish the orcs from Princess Pauline’s kingdom forever. Then they will all live happily ever after.

Except maybe the dwarf.


Dirty Little Secret: The power behind the orc invasion is none other than Princess Pauline’s evil stepmother, a wicked Night Hag intent on claiming the tiny kingdom as her own. In order to do that she needs to ensure that Princess Pauline dies in as gruesome a manner as possible. Or eat an apple. Either works.

Notes: 4e D&D Bards make excellent Disney Princesses. In fact they might as well have just called it the Disney Princess character class. With a fine singing voice and the ability to get friends and foes alike into all sorts of japes in battle (not to mention lullabies at bedtime), your Bard Disney Princess is a worthy (if frustrating) addition to any adventuring party. As your Rituals, take Animal Messenger and Create Campsite and your woodland friends will only be too eager to help with your domestic chores.

Here is Princess Pauline’s character sheet at 1st level.


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