The Truth about Dwarves

“WHAT? Oh…. it’s you again. Look kid, I told you. I’m a Dwarf, ok. Yeh, I’m made of rock. What of it? Don’ they teach you nuthin’ in school these days? Forged from stone by Moradin hisself we were – good solid rock through and through. Not squishy flesh an’ blood an’ bones like you humans. Beards? Yeh…. we did that for a while to hide our trueselves from you humans. I tell ya, colourin’ up and wearing fake beards each time we had to ride into your towns was no joke. Those things itch! Much better now the Dwarflords have seen sense an’ said we can show our trueselves. S’only little runts like you that keep askin’ questions now. Now run on with you, before I show ya what a rock punch can do to your squishy nose. Heh…….. kids………”

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Ten Fun Facts About Dwarves

1. Dwarves are made of solid stone.They have no bones (so you’ll never see a dwarven skeleton), and little in the way of internal organs. A dead dwarf looks much like a clothed statue, and will eventually crumble to dust.

2. There are no Dwarven Undead. They do, however have legends of the Unliving – deceased Dwarves brought back to Unlife by unknown arts, much like golems. This may also be the origin of the technology which created the Warforged.

3. For hundreds of years Dwarves followed an edict from the Dwarflords that ordered them to disguise themselves as “fleshthings” in the presence of other races. This involved complex glamours, make-up and fake beards which covered much of their features. This edict was repealed a few years ago, though some dwarves still prefer to remain “fleshed”, and feel naked without their beard and make-up (much like a geisha without her make-up, or a Muslim without her burkha or chadri).

4. Ascetic Dwarven monks were an exception to the edict; when meditating on the mountainsides they were occasionally seen by travellers in their natural form. They were believed to be a different race unrelated to Dwarves. The  Dwarven name for these Monks is Galeb Duhr.

5. Dwarves are sexless and possess no genitals. When two life-bonded Dwarves wish a child they seek a perfect rock and conduct a complex ceremony known as “Breath of Moradin” which brings the stone to life as a Dwarven baby. The quest for their childstone can take decades (even centuries), and as a result most couples only have one child, if at all.

6. Their rock form confers no bonus to armour or protection; it is as much a part of their body as the skin and flesh of a human. If cut or damaged, a Dwarf’s body will chip, and scars across their features are common. Some Dwarves (especially Dwarven Wizards and Warlocks) carve runic tattoos into their bodies. Some of these may be magical, though most are merely decorative (and scary!).

7. Dwarves can eat and drink pretty much anything; it’s common for a Dwarf to scoop up handfuls of small stones to munch on a journey. They have a dulled sense of taste, hence their preference for only the strongest, most potent alcohol available. Poison affects a Dwarf normally, though they are less susceptible thanks to their sturdy Constitution.

8. Divine Healing and potions will regain a Dwarf’s hit points as normal – some say, thanks to Moradin’s blessing – though it will take a speciailist Dwarven Healer (and probably a stonemason) to be able to provide long-term non-magical care. It’s not unknown for a Dwarf to carve a replacement limb to replace a lost hand, arm or leg.

9.Dwarves don’t just mine for precious metals and gems; the rock they hew provides food for their Dwarfhold and well as much needed building and medical supplies.

10. Dwarven children usually run the Dwarfholds naked, and quickly learn to curl up and pretend to be boulders in the presence of trouble; they gain +8 Stealth bonus unless caught by surprise.

Dwarves. Rock!

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