2005-12-08 1204 Fun: == You too can create automatic blogposts about Bush == (Using [http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ . . .

You too can create automatic blogposts about Bush

(Using Scott Pakin’s automatic complaint-letter generator)

It certainly takes the time and effort out of actually thinking about what to say!

I would like to eschew obstinate extremism. Without going into all the gory details, let’s just say that Pres. George W Bush is planning to procure explosive devices, gasoline, and detonators for use in an upcoming campaign of terror. This does not bode well for the future, because if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that the boogeyman is going to get us if we don’t agree to Pres. Bush’s demands. In fact, that’s exactly what Pres. Bush does as part of his quest to vandalize our neighborhoods. Trapped by the cognitive dissonance engendered by hard evidence and common sense, he feels obligated to replace discourse and open dialogue with vindictive tirades and blatant ugliness in a rapacious attempt to justify his modes of thought. Pres. Bush’s ideological colors may have changed over the years. Nevertheless, his core principle has remained the same: to paint people of different races and cultures as appalling alien forces undermining the coherent national will. If you don’t believe me, then note that Pres. Bush will probably never understand why he scares me so much. And he does scare me: His sound bites are scary, his jokes are scary, and most of all, he coins polysyllabic neologisms to make his magic-bullet explanations sound like they’re actually important. In fact, his treatises are filled to the brim with words that have yet to appear in any accepted dictionary. I feel that it can be safely said that Pres. Bush’s hatchet jobs are bottomlessly bad. Pres. Bush contends that he should hinder economic growth and job creation because “it’s the right thing to do”. Sounds rather diabolic, doesn’t it? Well, that’s Pres. Bush for you.
Despite the fact that I’ve received appreciative notes from academic psychologists and students of culture who deplore the misapplication of their subjects by ideologues like Pres. Bush, idle hands are the devil’s tools. That’s why Pres. Bush spends his leisure time devising ever more sex-crazed ways to create an atmosphere of mistrust, in which speculations and rumors gain the appearance of viability and compete openly with more carefully considered theories. His maudlin preoccupation with pharisaism, usually sicklied over with such nonsense words as “anthropomorphization”, would make sense if a person’s honor were determined strictly by his or her ability to replace our natural soul with an artificial one. As that’s not the case, we can conclude only that I feel that he has insulted everyone with even the slightest moral commitment. Pres. Bush obviously has none, or he wouldn’t misdirect our efforts into fighting each other rather than into understanding the nature and endurance of money-grubbing paternalism. Viewing all this from a higher vantage point, we can see that he drops the names of famous people whenever possible. That makes Pres. Bush sound smarter than he really is and obscures the fact that he dreams of a time when he’ll be free to separate people from their roots and cut their bonds to their natural communities. That’s the way he’s planned it, and that’s the way it’ll happen – not may happen, but will happen – if we don’t interfere, if we don’t call your attention to the problem of uneducated, aberrent lunatics. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that he will probably throw another hissy fit if we don’t let him fuel the censorship-and-intolerance crowd. At least putting up with another George W Bush hissy fit is easier than convincing Pres. Bush’s emissaries that on a television program last night, I heard one of this country’s top scientists conclude that, “Apolaustic ideas are continually escaping the confines of Pres. Bush’s (obviously very weak) mind.” That’s exactly what I have so frequently argued and I am pleased to have my view confirmed by so eminent an individual.

As is often the case, I wish that one of the innumerable busybodies who are forever making “statistical studies” about nonsense would instead make a statistical study that means something. For example, I’d like to see a statistical study of Pres. Bush’s capacity to learn the obvious. Also worthwhile would be a statistical study of how many crafty dissemblers realize that we must remove our chains and move towards the light. (In case you didn’t understand that analogy, the chains symbolize Pres. Bush’s mealymouthed convictions, and the light represents the goal of getting all of us to open minds instead of closing them.) If you ask Pres. Bush if it’s true that society has paid a dear price for letting him divert us from proclaiming what in our innermost conviction is absolutely necessary, you’ll just get a lot of foot-shuffling and downcast eyes in response. Nevertheless, he has an utter disregard for human life. And here, I contend, lies a clue to the intellectual vacuum so gapingly apparent in his put-downs. Many the things I’ve talked about in this letter are obvious. We all know they’re true. But still it’s necessary for us to say them, because Pres. George W Bush’s press releases are a textbook example of distortion and deceit.

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