2005-11-18 1355 Review: Dear Hewlett Packard, When I buy a printer from you, I want a printer. It's not such a difficult . . .

Dear Hewlett Packard,

When I buy a printer from you, I want a printer. It’s not such a difficult request. I want a box that takes blank paper in one end, and sends beautiful printed paper out at the other. Now, I don’t think that’s too hard.

It is, after all, one of the things you claim to be able to do.

Also, I’d quite like to be able to unpack it, and it just work. I don’t mind sticking in a disk if it needs a driver. In this day and age though, I’d much rather the printer and computer ask the internet for the latest driver (say, 300k is a reasonable size), and grab it from there. I’m sure this would reduce your production costs somewhat too.

Here is what I don’t want:

  • I don’t want any “red-eye reduction” software. Last time I checked, a printer doesn’t give you red-eye anyway.
  • I don’t want “an easy way to manage your photographs”. If I wanted it, I’d have downloaded or bought it. I bought a printer – I just want a printer, ok?
  • I don’t want an “assistant” program, a “gallery” program, an “OCR” program or any damn other kind of program
  • Most of all – I don’t want to have no choice at all in the matter. If you’re going to put this crap on a CD and sling it in the box, at least give me the decency of letting me choose whether I want 1Gb of this tosh on my computer. Oh, and while you’re at it, give me an installer that doesn’t demand I reboot my computer just because I’ve installed a fricking printer!!!

Is that too much to ask?

Thank you for not listenning.

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